i have a rose petal caught in my throat
which is symbolic
of nothing in particular actually, 
may be of drinking tea somewhere far away
or blooming up to be a flower, or
in some warm climate staring at the sky, and
listening to the wind rustling palm trees
some
	thing 
like that
i could be a coconut draped from a lily branch
i could be an orchid poised to swallow its pride
and swim
i could be the warm water through the nested spleens
of seaweed
i could be
anything but this, anywhere but here
exactly here
the snowy capital of the great lakes region,
where april comes in the first digits of january
where inspiration is not gained but won through the unpredictable
the unsustainable
i must be something somewhere where it matters more than this,
this has to exist
on a deeper level some where
somewhere far away i am making a difference
i am
finding myself in the people i love and need, i
i am waking up every morning to star light, every night to sunshine
in my tea cup, my hands, cupped, my nightcup, lightcup, uncap
unwrap unzip undo this desire for the ephemeral
this technique of the ordinary, transgress to the ritual
take me up to the planetary
we can lie on our backs there, listen to sunshine
we can sing the glory of galaxies and water lillies
we can whisper the truths the leaves know,
talk of the ephemeral
we'll pretend we are making a difference somewhere, we'll handle this
we will handle this and change this world in a subtle way, once and for all
the trick is not to admit that it happened
and i admit nothing
i am a water lilly
i am a marauder, lost, 
i am a flower, i will not cower
behind this understanding or lack there of
forget the words i am not saying
and if you speak my language
we can speak atoms and draw parallels 
into existence